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How To Not Spam People On Stumbleupon

Nov 7th, 2010
by Mikeachim.
46 comments

I’ll admit it – I love Stumbleupon.

And I’d be ungrateful if I didn’t, because it’s been really nice to my website. I use SU for fun, but like millions of others I also use it to make my writing visible to a wider audience. My two-part series The Human Scale of Cold and The Human Scale Of Hot went “viral” on Stumbleupon and sent a combined total of 78,000 visitors to my website this year (a tenth of my annual traffic with just two posts). It’s a great way to get your stuff out there.

But it’s also easy to turn into a spammer – and get booted off the site for good. (more…)

Ever Get A Tattoo, Mike?

Jul 24th, 2009
by Mikeachim.
11 comments

ThisEndUp

You know, I think I would get a tattoo one day. (And thank you for asking). It would be a small one, placed somewhere off the beaten track, yet somewhere dignified.

Not like these, for example.

In a thrall of gut-wrenched horror, I added this to the Stumbleupon review page:

Seeing these makes me want to burn down the world and usher in a new age of ignorance and darkness.

Anyone thinking of having a tattoo: if you use a photograph, you turn even the most fluffily angelic loved one into a first draft of Herman Munster. It is impossible to make anyone look good. Use the following mental exercise: put “zombie” in front of their name and then imagine it. For example, if it’s Aunt Agatha you’re indelibly daubing onto your arm, imagine it’s Zombie Aunt Agatha. See? That’s how it works.

If in doubt, use henna first. Aunt Agatha will thank you, and probably keep you in her will.

There’s also the degree to which most tattoos are planned in advance, which is of course ‘not at all’. Just as a British kebab changes from a clastic lump of glistening offal (shaved roadkill, if you like ) into something desirable when you’re fuzzy with beer, appalling tattoo designs are transformed into Yes, That’s Exactly What I Want On My Face / Currently Distended Stomach / Ass.

At least, that’s the explanation I’m happy with. I refuse to acknowledge this level of idiocy manifest in my own species. (At the very least, when asked, I expect them to lie, eg. “oh man, I was so completely wasted, which is why I need the loan to have ‘Darth Maul vs. Thora Hird On Ice’ lasered off my face”, and then live with the shame in private for the good of global sanity).

But I’m still fascinated by tattoos. They can look good. Sometimes, not so much, but here and there I’ve seen subtle, understated ink that makes my toes wiggle. We’re talking very small but very distinguished here, on places that you can keep toned up so it doesn’t get stretched and saggy.

So I’d still get a tatoo.

With a few caveats.

1) 6 month planning in advance.

2) So much coffee in my bloodstream that I’m deeply, ear-buzzingly knurd.

3) A signed testimony from 20 friends that I was in my right mind and that they either agreed with or respected my soundness of judgement.

Am I missing the point?

Image: niemster

Q10: Fitting A Door In My Brain

Feb 16th, 2009
by Mikeachim.
No comments yet

Q10Brain

The problem with using a PC that’s connected to the Internet – well, there are plenty of problems.

Oh, this will be a big list. Short break first.

E-mail. Digg – WOAH that’s crazy. Stumbleupon. Twitter. Facebook (Friends – status updates OHMYGOD message message message). BBC News. Huffington Post. E-mail again. How’s my Space Pioneers empire going? E-mail. Check Stumbles – that’s cool, that’s cool, that isn’t.

The main problems with

Where am I going with this? Stick to singular, keep on target. Stay on target. Stay on TARGET.

Watch 10 minutes of Star Wars.

Write on scifi forum about how much I hate all of Star Wars except the original film. Rant about how Battlestar Galactica makes everything and everyone look stupid by comparison.

The main problem with the Internet is

E-mail Twitter Facebook

distractions.

I’m exhausted. I need a break.

Coffee.

Distractions are

Is that the damn time?

distracting. Holy shit, Einstein. Distractions are fundamental to the nature of the Internet – how online content is allowed to propagate. Social media (ie. Digg, Stumbleupon)

Twitter Digg HAHAH that’s wild, 80mph down a mountainside on an ironing board! – Stumbleupon, yes yes NO THAT’S LAME, EPIC THUMBS DOWN yes yes HAHAH Yes!.

is all about interrupting you from what you’re already doing. Organic and lateral, yes, but also wildly unfocussed

Order new contact lenses

and after a while, it rewrites your brain so your attention span is that of a gnat with a weak bladder. You just cannot

E-mail Digg Facebook Stumbleupon

focus for any length of time.

And that’s the curse of the Microsoft packages, and pretty much any other word processor out there.

Except this one.

I loaded up “Q10″ and immediately hated it. Where had my Start button gone? Where had the bottom toolbar gone? What the hell was this, DOS?(Oooh, clattery typewriter noises when you type, that’s fun. And a carriage return noise too – that’s my new Favourite Thing This Minute. Blog post idea: list of my new favourite things this week – on Friday there were 287 of them).

(Where was I?).

I can’t check my e-mail. I can’t even check my Facebook! What is this, the Dark Ages? Do I look like the Venerable Bede? Frigging stupid pissy broken backward…

I can focus on my work.

How interesting.

And anyway, all I have to do is press the Windows key and go back to my desktop. The main thing is that all the distractions aren’t on screen, clamouring for attention, reminding me of all the easier, less productive stuff I could be spending lower-quality time with. It’s the difference between a curtain and a door. It’s better.

*later*

How many words have I just written? (Rhetorical question, the wordcount is down there at the bottom).

Wow.

I think I may have a new Favourite Thing Ever.

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